She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
