i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
