I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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