Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
