There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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