I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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