take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
