Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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