Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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