The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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