I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
