Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
