worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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