I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
