I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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