i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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