Ambien. No doubt about it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
