I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
