she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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