Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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