i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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