There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
