My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
