Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
