i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
