anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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