Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
