How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
