Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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