Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
