She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is wine microwaveable?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
