sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
