Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
