Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
