plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
