Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
