Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
