Your tits are I can't wait for
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
