she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
