all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
