before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
