Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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