HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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