Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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