im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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