Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
