so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
