i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I could fuck to npr.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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