idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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