You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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