Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I deserve this hangover.
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