You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ass is underappreciated
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
